Frail
by Shenzuul
Summary: The Kishin toys with Maka's mind and memories. Maka struggles to resist the insanity he offers. Based on the song that is its namesake. Oneshot.


**If I was not so weak**

"_Maka! Guard yourself!"_

_Schwing!_

_Splash…_

_Thud._

"_SOUL!"_

She presses her hands over her eyes, trying to block out the flood of images.

_Red, red, everywhere…A huge cut that sliced deeply across his chest…She tried to stem the flow of blood, her white gloves stained with the crimson liquid…"You idiot…get out of here fast…"_

_Hours waiting outside the operating room, too terrified to move…Days standing beside his unconscious body, praying he'd wake up…Weeks watching him slowly recover, guilt gnawing incessantly at her gut, at her heart…"I will become as strong as you."_

"There is a way, you know."

**If I was not so cold**

"_Maka! I love you!"_

"_I don't consider you my father!"_

_Crestfallen eyes that break her heart a little more every time…the knowledge that if she lets herself love him, he will destroy her…her inability to forgive him for what he did…for what he does._

"Stop," she pleads in a whisper, voice cracking. "Please stop." Tears stream down her face. She cannot dam the river of memories.

"_Papa, why did you cheat on Mama?"_

_He froze, unable to answer._

_It is because that is who he is. She knew that, but she still wanted him to say it out loud, to admit it to her, to himself. Why did he remain silent? He was a coward, a cruel, stupid coward. She hardened her heart against him._

_He had scarred her; she had no qualms about returning the favor._

"_I hate you! I'll never forgive you!"_

"This is who you are, little girl. What's the matter? Don't like what you see?"

**If I was not so scared of being broken growing old**

"_Maka. I want to be with you forever."_

_No. No, not this. Please not this._

"_I love you."_

_No! She had heard those words before. They meant nothing but pain and heartache. She couldn't accept them, not from _him_, not from the one she cared about more than anything or anyone. She pushed him away._

She clutches at her heart, doubling over in agony. The pain is real, physical. She is certain that her heart is quite literally being torn to shreds. But still he forces her to relive the memories.

_They were older, now, partners of over seven years. She was older than she was when she first realized the terrible truth: she loved him. And she was older than she was when she first realized that the light in his eyes when he looked at her meant that he loved her, too._

_And he had been patient—they were, though just barely, older than her parents had been when they had made the vows that later tore her life apart so viciously._

_But she was terrified, terrified of the future. She was terrified that he would break her, just like her father had broken her mother, just like her father had broken her all those years ago._

"_You can't love me. You can't!"_

"_I'm scared…"_

"But you don't have to be, Maka. That's the beauty of insanity. Let it consume you, erase your fears and insecurities…It will make you _stronger_."

**I would be…**

_She laughed madly, swinging her scythe in wide, glorious arcs, cutting down swathes of enemies with each stroke…Exhilaration coursed through her veins, confidence buoyed her…Insane energy crackled through her arms and legs…She was unconquerable, invincible…_

_The faces of the enemies who had beaten her in the past flashed by, bloodied, defeated at her hands…Soul standing before her, body completely unscarred…The certainty that he would never need to be hurt to protect her…she was _strong_ now…_

Her eyes widen as she watches the visions of possibilities parade across her mind, mesmerized, entranced.

"_I forgive you, Papa."_

_Joy illuminates his features. He catches her in a hug and swears he will be true to her for the rest of his life, and this time he really means it…_

_Afternoons spent at his side…Gone the guilt, gone the pain, gone the silences impossible to breach, gone the fear, gone the betrayal…No more distrust of men…Now she doesn't need her books to solace her with images of fantasy worlds where people are loyal and honest, because that is her real world..._

"Yes, Maka, this is how things _could_ be."

**I would be…**

"_Maka. I want to be with you forever. I love you."_

_She smiles._

"_I love you, too, Soul."_

She can't breathe, devouring the image with desperate, hungry eyes.

_He bends down on one knee, offering her his life._

_Church bells gong high above…They exchange their unbreakable vows of undying love…The scent of flowers…Tears of joy…Shouts of congratulations…_

_His warm presence is always nearby, as she works, as she relaxes, as she laughs, as she cries, as she sleeps._

_A child, a child with his white hair and jagged teeth and her green eyes…_

"That's right, Maka. You're so close. Just reach out and embrace the darkness. Come to me…"

**I would be…**

And then, something changes.

"_How should I know? Cool guys don't cheat on their partners."_

"_I am your weapon, Maka! I am always prepared to die for my meister!"_

"_It isn't the looks or form that matters…it's the soul that's important."_

"_You don't have to be strong by yourself, Maka. We'll get stronger together!"_

Hadn't he told her? All of those times?

"_It's because people have fear that they try to get stronger!"_

Hadn't _she_ said it?

_She didn't have Black*Star's physical strength. She didn't have Kid's powerful soul. But her friends valued her—not because she was smart, not because she had incredible Soul Perception—_

_It was her courage._

_Her ability to move forward _despite _her fear. _Despite_ her weakness. _Despite_ her insecurity._

And she realizes.

_All of the things that have happened have shaped who I am today._

_And I _like_ who I am._

_I am _Maka.

And she remembers.

"_I'm scared…"_

_But even though she had pushed him away just a moment ago, he gathered her up in his arms and squeezed her tightly, refusing to let her go. "I know," he whispered. "I know. Me , too."_

"_But we can do this. We can make this work."_

"_Be brave for me, Maka."_

"_Soul?"_

"_What is it?"_

"_I…I love you, too."_

…**frail.**

She stands.

"What are you doing?" hisses the Kishin.

She smiles.

"If I had no fears—"

_Fear of love, fear of abandonment, fear of failure, fear of loss—_

"If I had no weaknesses—"

_Skinny body, flat-chest, short temper, stubbornness—_

"If I had no insecurities—"

_Weak, not pretty, unloved, unwanted, never going to succeed—_

"I wouldn't be strong enough to defeat you."

_And suddenly Soul is back in her hands,_

_and she knows just what to do._

_White light surrounds weapon and meister._

_She swings—_

_connects—_

_and stands triumphant._

* * *

><p><strong>Note: <strong>The song is "Frail" by Jars of Clay, and it is beautiful. Listen to it, even if you are unimpressed with this._  
><em>


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